


Seemingly for no reason

by MissyMalone



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Anxiety, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:08:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27050206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissyMalone/pseuds/MissyMalone
Summary: Missy's life is going to change after she meets this strange person
Relationships: Alex Turner (Musician) & Original Female Character(s), Alex Turner (Musician)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. 1

She was rushing through the sidewalk trying her best not to soak her document holder and silently cursing herself for taking the wrong subway and ending up a few miles away from her destination. The rain was pouring hard and her tiny umbrella barely kept her chest dry. Or maybe it was the documents she was holding there. She prays her work is still intact, what would be the point of moving to that quiet cafe her co-worked mentioned if her papers were illegible.  
She looks up, her glasses are full of rain drops but still she feels relieved to see a familiar intersection, ‘almost there’ she thinks ‘the cafe better be nice’.  
The rain seems to be getting lighter, she takes a turn passing through a gloomy street covered by a bridge and although large enough to shelter her, the humidity in the air and the wind are still making her feel cold and uncomfortable. She takes up the pace almost in a sprint firmly holding her umbrella that seems to want to escape from her hands. Almost at the end of the street, an uncomfortable feeling takes over her foot before she realises the huge poodle she just stepped on. She has no time to follow that thought as suddenly a huge weight strikes her by the side and she falls straight to the ground off the sidewalk to the middle of the street.  
Takes her a second to realise someone bumped against her! Or maybe she went against someone? She was looking at the poodle so she is not sure.  
Getting up and picking up her stuff she gets herself out of the road and as she turns into the sidewalk she notices, presumily, the person she bumped into (or the other way around).

‘I’m so sorry!’ well she’s too polite and she knows it.

‘Nah, it was my fault. Are you okay?’ the stranger grabs her elbow to guide her into the sidewalk.

She stands facing that figure, she feels cold and sore and wet and in a second a rush of embarrassment comes to her cheeks and she mumbles something about being an idiot while the rain pours in them both.

‘I’m sorry I was just distracted. Are YOU okay? Is that blood on your palm?’ she is genuinely concerned, she does not wish harm to anyone let alone a kind stranger.

‘What?’ he lets out a laugh ‘Did you bang your head?’

She gives out the most confused ever and even though she very much respects other people's personal space, her concern forces her to grab his hand and examine the scene. Under the sleeves of the leather jacket that she thinks is too thin for this weather there's a deep red sweater that triggered all those alarm signals on her brain. But no wound.

‘Oh’ she says calmly. She looks up at him and semicerrates her eyes.

‘I lost my glasses. I can’t see a thing.’ she looks around at the ground but that’s not really of use cause the ground now looks like a sea of wobbly grey.

She doesn't notice the kind stranger is also looking for her glasses till she hears him ‘Oh there they are’. Now panic really takes over. She quickly reaches for a scruff on the back of his jacket and pulls just in time for the stranger to stumble back to the sidewalk and dodge a speeding cab. They both watch from safety what's left of the glasses that were run over by the cab.

‘That was reckless! You can’t just run to the middle of the road!’ she’s upset, ‘that was quite the scare!’

‘Uh’ a pair of surprised eyes focus on her ‘your glasses…’ he points to the murder scene.

She sights ‘How bad is it?’

He laughs ‘Wow you’re blind!’, ‘Well, now I am!’.

He gets up and this time looks at both sides before going to pick the remains and handing them to her.

‘Hey, it was my fault I’ll pay you a new ones’

‘What!?’ That's out of the question, she has always proudly fighted for her achievements and got here by working hard and not taking favours. She’s not even sure whose fault it was, that man is being ridiculous. ‘You will do no such thing.’ she smiles ‘Also that is actually my spare pair, I left my favorite ones at work so it’s okay’.

The rain starts to get heavier and they take shelter in a building entrance that has a small cover. She holds the umbrella toward the outside so they are a bit less exposed to the elements. She now has the chance to really look at this person besides her. He is not wearing appropriate clothes for this cold, his shoulders are drawn up his hands in his pockets. It only takes him a few seconds to frail and start trembling. She also notices he wasn’t carrying an umbrella. What is rather odd has it’s been raining consistently for a few days.  
They just stand there for a few moments, the rain is obviously too aggressive for him to just walk off. Now that she thinks of it, where was the cafe? She knew the approximate location but she was going to rely on her phone gps to take her there.  
A glance at her phone confirms her fear. ‘Shit’

‘What is it? You got hurt?’

‘I can’t even see what's on my phone, or on that sign, or…’ she looks at him. ‘What’s wrong?’

He is taken aback ‘What’

‘I probably won’t be able to recognise if I see you on the street again. But… you don’t look alright’ his eyes are red with emotion although she’s not sure which one. He was walking on running in the rain dressed for indoors like he decided to just run off from whenever he came from. He looks sad and concerned.

‘Your eyes are red’ but these words came out of his mouth. ‘What's your name?’

‘Missy’ 

‘That’s not a real name’

‘Yes it is, that’s what my friends call me. My professional name is Samantha Berg but that’s rather dull’

‘Okay, Miss. But seriously your eyes are really red, you’re the one that’s not alright’

‘Yeah I know, I’m dealing with them but in the meantime I can’t see that well and even my glasses weren’t helping that much.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah’ what’s so fascinating about it? He waits a bit before speaking-

‘My name’s Alex’


	2. Blueberry Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missy gets a change to know a bit more about Alex.  
> Are they the complete opposite?

The rain is still falling and it seems to be getting colder and darker.

‘Your stuff is getting all soaked, those papers…’

‘Ah damn it, hold this for a bit’ she hands the umbrella to the stranger while she tries to put the documents back into her document holder without damaging them. She is cursing in her breath. The draft she was working on is not looking good. Actually, it's bad. She was never a great writer but it’s part of her job. She had this idea to change her environment and try the nice cafe in hope it would bring fresh ideas and inspiration. Well that kinda backfired. Now she's soak, cold, a bit grumpy and lost. Literally, lost. The grey environment makes every street look the same and her tired eyes are making it hard to read plates or look for those familiar building frames.

‘Are you writer?’ he asks all of a sudden.

She laughs ‘Ah no! I wish I had some basic writing skills. This is a draft for the paper I’m writing, you can think of it as a report of my work. But no, I’m not a writer.’

‘Where were you heading?’ the least she could do is to share her umbrella to his destination, couldn’t be far.

‘Ah…. not sure’

‘What do you mean not sure? Did you just step outside in the middle of a blizzard with no defined destination and not even an umbrella?’

‘Actually that sums it up quite well’ odd individual Missy thinks. ‘What about you?’ he asks.

‘I was going to this coffee place to try to work a bit’ she shows him a business card of the place that has the address ‘Although I’m not sure where it is…’

‘Oh I know it, it's nice and quiet. People use it more as a library than a coffee shop. Come on let's go’ He goes off with her umbrella still in hand ‘Come on, do you prefer to stay in the rain?’

Fair enough. Missy is quick to follow and places herself under the shared umbrella.  
They walk for a couple of minutes in a quick pace with Alex leading the way. He seems familiar with all the streets and paths and poodles in the ground. Missy on the other hand has only moved to London a few weeks ago and still has trouble with all the rain, the street names, the subway and the general unknown around her.

‘This is it.’ he pushes the door and signals her to come in.

She immediately feels the warmth of the place. Not only is it not freezing like the outside but all the decorations and general environment of this place is nice and cozy.  
The lights have a warm tone making the beige walls look more close to you. The tables are white, neaty clean with wooden chairs with an white cushion. They are displayed randomly in the middle of the room while the corners are reserved for more private booths where there are indeed people reading, scribbling, with books or in their computers just like if they were in a library.  
Alex walks between the tables and circulates the counter passing by the cashier that politely smiles at him. He turns and settles on a booth that is not visible from the entrance, hidden by the counter and the display of cakes and sweets. Missy follows and sits in front of him.

‘Do you come here a lot? You seem to be familiar with the place’

‘From time to time, not that often though’

He picks up the menu, lays it out facing Missy and points at it ‘Try this’

‘I can’t read what's in there’

He shrugs ‘You’re gonna try it anyways’. He gets up and goes to the lady that’s rearranging the exposition of sugary sweets and says something that Missy can’t pick up, then he comes back and sits.

‘What if I don’t like what you ordered?’

‘You’ll like it it’s very good’

This man is ridiculous. Missy thinks. ‘What if I’m allergic to something that’s in it?’

‘What food allergies do you have?’ ‘Well none, but..’ ‘See, there’s no problem’ ‘You didn’t know that when you ordered it!’

Alex looks at Missy with a mocking face ‘You sound like a buzzkill’

That earned him a raised eyebrow from Missy. ‘I’m only joking, love’ he says. ‘The name’s Missy.’ ‘Alright don’t get mad it’s only an expression. You’re not from around right? Never heard that accent.’

Missy doesn’t know if she likes where the conversation is heading. She was never very keen on sharing her background info with people she doesn’t trust and now she has a complete stranger in front of her poking on her past.

‘No, I’m not. You also don’t have an London accent.’

‘Yeah, I’m not a Londoner’

It seems that both of them are a bit restraint about talking about their origins and it’s painfully obvious. For a moment they sit in silence until the waitress comes with order. She places a tiny round red velvet cake with an exaggerated amount of red fruits to complement it in front of Missy and then another similar cake but with a deep purple color and blueberries on the side in front of Alex.

‘What would you like to drink?’ she asks with a polite smile.

Missy stares at the astonishing beautiful little cakes in admiration for a moment until the sound of Alex's voice asking for a pint snaps her out of it and she decides on a coffee.

‘See, I asked for two different ones. You can choose’

‘They both look delicious. But I’ll go with blueberry’ she unceremoniously swaps the plates and takes a chunk of the cake with her fork. She will not admit it but Alex was right, this is delicious and there was no away anyone would disapprove of it.

‘So?’

‘Hum… It’s pretty good’

‘Just, ‘pretty good’?’

‘Yep. Tasty.’ She tries her best to keep it together but the pleasurable experience of the best pantry she has ever tried takes the best of her and she can’t help but smile while enjoying her little cake. Alex's amusement before her little display is also very obvious to her.

‘Anyway, didn’t you say you were coming here to work?’

Missy pulls the remains of her glasses from her pocket and waves them while her other hand is busy poking the blueberries one by one and putting them in her mouth.

‘You weren’t joking about it then?’

‘About having poor vision? Why would I joke about it?’

‘About not recognising me if you’d see me again’

She’s not understanding the point of this conversation, did she say something to offend him?

‘Look, it wasn’t my intention to sound rude. Apparently I’m allergic to a tree that grows near my workplace and because of that my eyes are all messed up. I had a bit of poor vision but now everything is a blur. It’s temporary though it will go back to normal. But right now I can’t really distinguish your features so yeah… it would be very hard to recognise you if I bumped into you again’

‘That’s good’

‘Excuse me!?’

‘It’s your lucky day. I’m a bit of a writer myself so I can take a look at your draft for you.’

This is unbelievable. Is he making fun of her? Missy is having a hard time reading this person and his intentions. She always had trouble trusting people but she forces herself to give the new people she meets a chance in hope she will find someone good. At this point she tries to decide if letting a stranger read her unpublished work is a good idea. It’s not like he would be able to steal her work. The data for this paper took her two years to gather and there’s no way anyone can replicate it before she gets the thing published. Plus, if he’s a writer he’s definitely not working in her area. On the other hand what use would a writer be? He won’t be able to understand what she wrote.  
At this point she realizes she’s definitely overthinking the situation and Alex is patiently waiting for her answer. Maybe he just wants to make it up to her for having some responsibility over her broken glasses. Still she decides to be cautious.

‘You can read the introduction’ she hands him over two sheets of paper.

‘You got a pen?’

For the next minutes Missy lays back enjoying her coffee and blueberry cake while Alex is completely emerged in the words in front of it. She can help to be amused by his visible struggle to understand the dense and technical text she wrote. For years people who don’t understand a thing about her work had been criticising her without having a clue what they were talking about. All her efforts to fight idiots that think they know best because they read something on the internet have been in vain. It’s very hard to fight stereotypes and misconceptions with logic when the people you are fighting do not rationalize.  
She knows it is wrong to feel proud and mighty in that moment but she does. However, this person may still completely ignore her words and logical arguments and joke it off as nonsense. She really hopes not, his presence however odd has been enjoyable.

Alex raises his head and asks if two of the technical names she wrote mean the same thing. She says they do and he quickly replies with ‘Then pick one and stick to it’.

She smirks. He’s right, she hadn’t had time to check the coherence of the terms she used. Maybe this guy is actually using his brain. At least for now, he earned a bit of her respect.

He is still scribbling on the corner of the pages, underlying words and crossing some others. He’s so focused he doesn’t even notice Missy poking a strawberry from his place, waving it for a bit while staring at him and eventually just eating it.  
She’s really curious now and she leans forward trying to understand the corrections he made, a useless move she can't understand any of it.

‘You are too straightforward’ He says and raises his head. Missy’s face is now a few centimeters from his and she jumps back as she becomes self aware of the intrusion she committed.

‘Yes, I am. There’s no need to be a writer to figure that out.’ She is testing him and maybe she is being a bit too obvious. ‘What type of writer are you anyways?’

‘Ah I’m more of a poet or so people say… But you’re a scientist! Don’t think I ever met a science person before.’

What’s the point of a poet Misy thinks. It’s very against her nature to show interest in that type of romantic and dramatic type of occupation. Sure art is important but science and logic come first. Knowledge makes the world spin and move forward. Art and pretty things are only there to keep you entertained during mandatory breaks. In the end she believes art is kinda… pointless.

She takes the papers out of his hands and looks at it. Pointless she’s still blind.

‘What did you scribble in here?’

‘You don’t trust my skills?’

‘This is a draft for a scientific paper not a fantasy drama’

‘Ouch!’ 

‘No! I mean… Sorry’ that was rude Missy, she thinks. She’s a bit embarrassed of herself. ‘I’ll check it out later. Thank you’

‘Thank me later and let me know what you think of it’

‘How am I supposed to let you know?’

‘Good point’ He stretches out a hand like asking for something ‘I’ll save my number in your phone’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello
> 
> Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think of it.
> 
> Much apreciated


	3. Science and Poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missy and Alex have different views of the world. Maybe they left a good impression of each other.

Missy gets home feeling refreshed. Who could have known a random encounter with a stranger turned out to be a well spent evening. Between all the pressure from work, the trouble with the allergies, the writers block and the extra hours she had been putting in, she was exhausted and she only now noticed how urgently she was in need of a break.  
She had spent the afternoon talking with Alex about random topics they could think of, besides the awkward beginning and the constant crashing of opposing ideas it went quite well. Even if they disagreed on some topic they could both camly explain their points without arguing, Alex made her feel heard and she did her best to retribute. This is something Missy values a lot, from her experience it’s hard to find people that aren’t just trying to win the argument instead of listening and trying to understand the other person point of view.

They talked about art and Missy explained why she would much rather prefer to read a scientific manuscript than a romance, she reads to learn. Alex understood that, he wasn’t very keen on romances himself. He enjoys the classics, books about social criticism or books about dystopia, he said it makes him think and he’s always thinking. Missy approves of thinking but only when there’s an action that follows it. ‘There’s no point planning if you don’t take action’, ‘My action is writing about it and share it with the world’, ‘That seems a lot like waiting for someone else to act for you’, ‘Sharing your observations is also important, with luck you can inspire a lot of people. You can’t change the world alone’. They did not reach an agreement about this matter but both enjoyed the discussion.

There was a silent agreement in keeping the conversation away from personal matters. Neither one asked the other where they’re from or about family or friends or work or feelings. There were no questions about what Alex was running away from although it crossed Missy’s mind several times. In return Alex didn’t ask Missy why she was so protective about her work as she only let him read a small part of it. Instead they talked about art, about London and places to visit and things to see. Missy found that Alex seemed very familiar with the city but not enough to be from here. He shared little snippets of stories of some place he had visited and although Missy noticed he was omitting some part of the story she didn’t ask about it. Missy had just one or two funny memories about some of the places Alex mentioned and she felt comfortable enough to share her experiences with him.  
Soon enough it had stopped raining and they kept talking for a while until Missy got a call from work and excused herself for a moment. After they both realised it was probably time to go like they suddenly remember the world around them. Alex walked Missy to the nearest subway and after making sure she knew how to get home they said their goodbyes and he left. Maybe Missy was imagining things but to her he seemed more cheerful than he was when they bumped into each other. Or maybe she was projecting her own improved mood.

Now back at her apartment and after spending the journey home thinking about this funny encounter she decides to get back at reality and put this afternoon in the back of her mind. She had to catch up on the work she missed after all and there’s always so much to do. Soon enough she emerges herself in work mode and the last few hours start to feel like a dream.

_________________________________

Alex turns his back at Missy in the station and a smile takes over his face. He’s not sure what happened but talking to that girl made him feel better. The tension is off his shoulders, he can breath properly now, he feels ready for what's next and the urge to run away is gone. Maybe he just needed company. People need people, we need to socialize and interact, is who we are and Alex knows he’s better when he’s surrounded by his mates. He doesn’t think it's right to categorise this just as a ‘random chat with a stranger while waiting for the bus’ kind of thing. Those types of conversations don’t come with this feeling, a smile of a stranger can make you cheer up a bit but it doesn’t take the weight off. No, this was different. Missy was really there and not thinking of the bus to catch. She was focused on him and on what he had to say while respecting his boundaries without malacie.  
That was rare… At least for him. He feels a hint of guilt for taking advantage of a very blind girl to make friends with. He is fully aware that his confidence grew when he understood there was no way that girl would be able to recognise ‘random stranger on the street Alex’ as the ‘Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys’. He may of course be exaggerating a bit, she didn’t even seem to be from England, her accent was really weird and even if she was maybe she didn’t know the band, they’re famous not omnipresent.  
Did she notice his reserved and cautious side? Alex is naturally reserved, likes to keep it to himself but for some reason this time this did not get in the way of the conversation.  
She was nice, he concluded. Her writing, not so much but there was effort in it and he hopes he helped a bit on that. He smirks while walking back to his place. He doesn’t dwell much more about it. Before his mind drifts into something else he smiles again remembering that he gave her his number.

_______________________________

Missy leaves the meeting feeling drained. Her bosses were very excited asking about the manuscript that she has been avoiding and although they understood she hadn’t had the chance to work on it because of her eyes she is now better and can’t delay it anymore.  
It hasn’t even crossed her mind to check the suggestions the crazy poet scribbled in her paper. She has no reason to believe it would be of any use but Alex did seem very focused on the task at the time, she thinks she saw genuine interest. Well, he did have all that work so she should at least take a look at it.

She goes through the mess of papers at her desk until she finds the two sheets with handwriting that’s not her own. She picks up her favorite pair of glasses and starts reading the notes with all her attention.  
It doesn't take her long to realise that he wasn’t just messing with her, he was actually pointing out mistakes and suggesting small changes in the sintaxe. A few paragraphs later she no longer doubts the stranger was really a writer, the attention to detail is like she had never seen before and his vocabulary is superb. By the time she gets to the end of the text she’s mesmerized. Best reviewer she had ever had. Of course he couldn’t do anything about the actual content of the draft but he didn’t miss any spelling, grammar, punctuation, syntax error she had made. He was even kind to suggest some other improvements to make the text flow better and maintain interest.  
She spends the next hours revising her work with a renewed mind, fuelled by the ideas Alex had left on that piece of paper, she stops being aware of her surroundings to focus only on those words and the passion she has for her work.  
Soon she finishes the manuscript and feels for the first time that it is enough to convey her message and she feels proud of herself.

Later at home, still with the feeling of content involving her the memory of Alex scribbling over her paper comes to mind and without thinking much about it she grabs her phone and writes  
‘You are a writer after all.  
-Missy’ and press send.  
Missy throws herself in her bed smiling happily thinking how well her work is going and how finally months after she had moved to London maybe she met someone nice.  
She decides she has too much energy now to just lay around and decides to make use of it to tidy up the small apartment putting things in order.

She cleaned the whole place and moved some furniture around making more space in the living room. She was now in the middle of cooking herself dinner when she heard her phone beeping.  
‘I told you so. So what do you think of it? Did it help?’  
Of course it did! He knows he did, someone that writes like that probably thought her writing was shit.  
‘Oh please you know it did. Your writing is amazing. I could make use of almost everything you wrote :) Thank you for helping me! I really appreciate it.’  
‘Glad I could help.  
Wait what you mean ALMOST everything!?’  
‘Well I think you got a bit carried away in some bits. I can’t put a metaphor in a scientific report you know…’  
‘I don’t see why not, I think it illustrates your point very well’  
‘A metaphor can lead to misinterpretation, I have to be clear and straight to the point’  
‘There's no charm in that. That’s why your text was so dull.’  
‘Excuse me?!?’ He’s got some nerve… Although he’s not wrong. Not that all Missy’s works are dull but that one was being hard to write.  
‘No mean to offend. I’m sure you’re capable of better. I think that was just a sorta writer's block that’s all.’  
Seriously, how can he know that. He’s just saying that to make her feel better, he just read two pages. There's no way he would know if she was capable of better. It’s just not logic. She doesn’t answer. She finishes her dinner and does the dishes. There’s another text from Alex.  
‘Okay, I probably can’t really tell what you’re capable of just from that snippet but I do believe you can do more.’  
‘Believing is not worth anything’ she replies  
‘Gosh so cynical.  
Still you clearly needed the help of someone more...creative. Right?’  
‘Yeah… I know my limits.’  
‘Maybe I could help you again... if you want’  
‘I don’t think I need more writing advice for now. But I actually re-wrote practically the whole manuscript (have to admit was a bit inspired by your words). It’s being revised by my bosses and then it will be sent to the editor. I’d like to show you the final product.’

There is no immediate response. Missy just wants to share her words with him but maybe that came off wrong. She has no intention whatsoever of making a habit of asking him for advice, she was thinking about what Alex said about inspiring people and she wants him to know that he actually did it.

‘I’d like that. You can send it and I’ll check it out’  
‘Actually, I can’t share unpublished work, but I don’t mind showing it to you over a coffee and a colorful cake’  
‘Smooth’ She blushes at his response. She can’t believe he pointed out her obvious move. So embarrassing. Her mind is rushing thinking about what to answer. Fortunately she doesn’t have to because he sends another text.  
‘Okay :)  
It will have to wait a bit tough. I'll be away for a couple of weeks for a work thing. You better use that time to make it perfect.’  
‘I’ll do my best :)’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello
> 
> Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think of it.
> 
> Much appreciated


	4. Out of synk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Missy keep bumping heads

Over the next few days Missy and Alex exchange casual texts throughout the day. They are both very busy with work and Missy is the first to apologise and explain she can’t always check her phone while she’s in the lab. She tries her best to reassure him that is not due to lack of interest. She likes to emerge herself in her work while she’s at it and avoid distractions and also to avoid making mistakes. She tries her best to reply on her breaks or before starting a long protocol or give a quick ‘Sorry, gtg’.  
Alex doesn’t seem very concerned about it ‘That’s alright’ is all he says when Missy throws him one of her concerned texts about forgetting to check the phone for 16 hours.  
The conversation is random and not fluid, Missy hadn’t had the chance to ask where Alex is or what kind of work he is doing

One day Missy’s texting Alex in her lunch break.  
‘Hey, how’s your day going? I just stopped a bit for lunch’  
‘Morning’  
Morning….? She was expecting something else after that but it seemed like that was it.  
‘It’s 2 pm so good afternoon!’ She thinks she’s sounding a bit silly but she’s not sure what to say.  
‘It’s morning here’  
‘Oh? You’re in a different time zone then? Hadn’t figured that out’  
‘Yeah. I’m in LA’  
‘Wow really? What are you doing there? It’s so far away!’  
‘You woke me up’  
‘Ah sorry. I really didn’t know, we can talk later.’ A quick google search and Missy realises it’s around 6 am in Los Angeles.

She is about to return to work when she gets a call.  
‘Alex, hi. I’m sorry I woke you up, I had no idea.’  
‘It’s alright... I’m just too sleepy to text.’ She can tell by his voice he’s probably still half asleep.  
‘You could have told me you were going to another time zone I would watch out for the time’  
‘It’s really fine. I’m not even having proper sleep schedule’  
‘That’s unhealthy’  
She hears a sigh from the other side, is probably not the first time he hears that. There’s also a kind of grunting, but it doesn't seem to be just because of sleep.  
‘Are you okay Alex?’  
‘Just sleepy.’  
That last sentence didn’t sound honest at all. They do not know each other that well, actually they are almost strangers, but Missy doesn’t like being lied to.  
‘Alex. You don’t need to lie to me, if you don’t want to tell me what's going on that’s fine. Are you alone in there?’  
‘Ah… No, uh. There’s some people I work with here…’  
‘I meant a friend. Someone you can count on.’  
Alex sounds surprised and a bit confused, or maybe it’s the lack of sleep. He takes a few moments until he answers.  
‘Yeah… I have a friend here. I’ve been packed with interviews and whatnot but I’m meeting him tonight, he wants to go to a party or something.’  
‘Okay then, I hope you have fun. It’s really good to have someone with you’  
Someone is calling for Missy, it’s probably time to go back to work.  
‘They’re calling you.’  
‘Uh, yeah. Call me later?’  
‘I probably won’t have time but I’ll definitely text before the party’  
‘Okay, see you later. Have to go’  
‘Bye’

She has the feeling she left things unfinished. Why did he call her in the first place? He didn’t say anything in particular. He didn’t seem to have anything to say. Or maybe she didn’t give him the chance to say it. This really grinds hear gears, why would he call just to say nothing at all? She decides to ask him later in a proper conversation. Right now she has to work.  
______________________________

She gets home around midnight exhausted, no messages from Alex. What time is in LA, maybe he’s working? What does working even mean for a poet? He said something about an interview, Missy thought it was very odd at the time but now she’s wondering. Maybe he wrote a book and published it. They sometimes do interviews with the authors about the writing process, is that a thing for poems, for books with poems? And are there interviews with small writers or maybe Alex is famous? He must be famous if he travelled to LA for an interview, or maybe he’s from there? Although that accent places him in the UK definitely. Missy is starting to get annoyed, she doesn’t like not knowing. There’s just too many questions, she would really like to have a proper talk with Alex. Later.  
_______________________________

It’s saturday, her work is all in order so she takes the opportunity to sleep in. The sun starts to peek through the blinders hitting her eyelashes slowly pushing her from her dreams, making her aware of her bedroom. The light makes the room look cozy and she enjoys the moment of peace while enjoying the touch of the sheets.  
Eventually she gets up and makes herself breakfast while listening to some music. She doesn’t have plans for the day. A friend from her hometown usually calls on saturdays and they spend hours chatting while drinking hot and smooth beverages. She goes to text her friend checking if he can do a video call today. She notices she doesn’t have a text from Alex, even though he said he would text. He probably forgot, she doesn’t think much of it.  
Her friend replies saying he’ll be working and can’t call, she’s quicky with a reply to raincheck.  
She decides it is a nice day to read and relax.  
_______________________________

There’s an annoying noise penetrating her ears, she opens her eyes and slowly sits up looking around and trying to figure out where it is coming from. Takes a moment to realise it’s her phone ringing. She’s not sure what time it is, she went for a walk after lunch and she must have fallen asleep on the sofa while reading. She stretches and gets up but when she reaches the phone it has already stopped ringing. There’s a message from Alex saying ‘Hi’. Actually there’s 5 messages from Alex saying ‘Hi’ or ‘Hey’, and a few others saying ‘Call me’, ‘I lost a button from my shirt’, ‘Why did you asked if I were okay?’ or something around that. The phone rings again.  
‘Alex?’  
‘Hey… I tried to call you’ he’s slurring his words  
‘Ah I was sleeping, only saw it now, sorry. Are you okay?’  
‘Pff.. I’m fine. I just out of the party with Mi and it was great. Couldn’t be better.’ Missy sighs in disappointment. Alex is clearly drunk. She knows better than to keep the conversation going, she’s not up for drama at any time. If he wants to tell her something or vent he can do it sober. She always hated the ‘I said all those things because I was drunk’ excuse.  
‘Are you drunk?’  
‘I’m not drunk, I just had a few Miss but I’m alreight’  
‘Okay Alex, call me when you’re sober’  
‘NO, No, no wait a sec!’  
‘We can talk when you’ve sober up!’  
‘I can’t!!’ Alex almost screamed at the phone, Missy does not tolerate that kind of stupid behaviour so she hangs up and goes back to her nap.  
_______________________________

Sunday morning passes quickly as she takes some time to do some light work and hit the gym.  
It’s the middle of the afternoon when she decides to text Alex. A drunk dial is not a big deal, everyone at some point has done it. She just doesn’t like to deal with useless drama. Alex drunk called her to say something he didn’t have the guts to say sober. That’s just being a coward. Or human. She’s not mad, she just wants a proper talk.  
‘Hi, how are you feeling? Can we talk?’

‘Thought you wouldn’t want to talk with me again.’  
‘Not drunk nope. Anything you wanted to say yesterday you can say today.’

Few minutes go by and no answer. She tries to do a video call that he rejects.  
A moment later Alex is calling and she immediately picks up.  
‘Hi, Miss’  
He doesn’t sound drunk or hungover so Missy proceeds with caution.  
‘Hi, Alex, how was the party? You feeling alright?’  
‘Yeah.. it was fine. I’m good, I’m not like yesterday.’  
‘That’s good. So what did you wanna tell me yesterday?’  
‘Uh it was nothing no I was just drunk and thought of calling you that’s all’  
Missy takes a deep and long breath. This story is as old as time itself, people are coward, cunny and not straightforward at all, for some reason it is hard to express ourselves and share our honest thoughts with another person. So people get drunk, high or find another excuse to speak their minds and have a way to take it all back later. She’s not saying she hasn’t done it herself, she has. But she’s trying to be better and she does not have the patience for drama that can be avoided by a proper conversation. But in the end, she understands and she might have overreacted the day before and she will give him a chance to come clean with her.  
Her lips part and from the depths of her lungs she eloquently articulates a clear and dry ‘Bulshit.’  
‘Wha-what? I really was just really drunk Miss..’  
‘Alex. We met last week. You do not text and call someone you just met like 20 times.’  
There’s a moment of silence and Missy realises she’s been rude.  
‘I’m sorry. Let’s make a deal. I’ll forget about this whole thing but you have until our next coffee to say or ask whatever it is that you have stuck in your throat.’  
Alex scoffs ‘How can you be so sure I have something to say?’  
‘I think I just explained. One week, 20 missed calls? You won’t have to let me know what it is, just say it naturally in a conversation.’  
‘Then how will you know I kept my part of the deal?’  
‘I guess I’ll just have to trust you.’  
Alex doesn’t answer right away, maybe he’s thinking it over. Missy thinks it’s a far deal, she cannot ignore the drunk call like nothing happened. This way she’s giving him a chance to speak his mind while maintaining the subject anonymous to her.  
‘Okay, it’s a deal. I just have to say you’re also putting a lot of work in me only after a week.’  
‘Ah, I guess I feel like I owe you for the help.’  
‘That was a free demo.’  
‘Hum.. then I guess I thought poets were useless and now you're messing up my stereotypes, so I have to get things straight before I move on with my life.’  
Alex laughs at that.  
‘Fair enough.’  
His laugh lighted up the mood of the conversation and Missy is now unconsciously smiling and chuckling back at him. Feels like their little misunderstanding is behind them and then can move on.  
‘So tell me, how was the party?’


	5. Origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex keeps avoiding Missy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at summaries :)

Alex wakes up with the turbulence of the airplane touching down. The two weeks passed in a blur, between the interviews, talk shows, shaking hands with this and that person, Miles dragging him around to drinks or a party or to meet some personality, Alex was feeling drained. Sure he always enjoys spending time with Miles but partying for two weeks straight was a bit too much. His stomach still feels off from all the alcohol, the jet-lag, the stress and the plane, he feels relieved watching the door opening and finally stepping into the airport.  
He’s familiar with the place by now and can quickly avoid the crowd, call a cab and head home. He checks his phone and texts Miles to let him know he got home in one piece. There’s also a text from Matt asking when he arrives a missed call from his mum that prefers to call rather than leave a message and one from Missy.  
He chooses to call his mum and spends the cab ride telling her about his trip. She is kind and listens with care to all that Alex has to say, she is always insisting for him to visit more often.  
At the back of his mind, that care reminds him of how Missy talks and listens to him. He shakes that thought away and says.  
‘You know what I think I’ll swing by.’  
‘Really? Oh that would be lovely! But aren’t you busy, don’t you have work to do?’  
‘Nah, it’s okay. I’ll just go home to pack a bag and I’ll be on the next flight’  
_____________________

Seeing his parents always sheers him up. His mum is always warm and ready to welcome him into the house that she keeps tidy like he never left. It’s like he goes back in time to his childhood when he visits his parents house. He smells cookies and tea that Penny made for them thinking about how Alex must be tired from all the flying around. The three of them enjoy the treat while talking and sharing a nice moment.  
A couple hours later is still the middle of the afternoon but Penny insists that Alex gets some rest saying she made the bed for him. Alex feels like a kid when she does this kind of thing, but she’s right, he is exhausted and can’t wait to have a proper night of rest.  
_____________________

He wakes up early the next day and after a shower he feels refreshed. Her mum made him breakfast and she’s telling him about her garden and the new corner she is planning on doing for next spring.  
Alex can’t help to feel protective over his parents, especially his mum. Sometimes he thinks of her as innocent, unaware of the world can be a bad place. This house in Sheffield is a little piece of heaven, protected from the ugliness of the rest of the world.  
‘So how is Miles?’ Penny asks.  
‘Oh he’s fine, still Miles you know’  
‘I’m so glad you have him, you know in the beginning of all of this me and your dad were afraid you only had the boys from the band, that it could be hard to make new friends. But Miles, he's a good lad, you hang on to him!’  
‘What are you talking about?’ he chuckles.  
‘Oh come on, you were always a shy kid, you still are’  
‘I’m not a kid’ Alex is smiling, he feels Penny's affection and there’s nothing she could say to offend him.  
‘I mean you’re still shy! And suspicious of everyone, don’t think I haven’t noticed. You avoid talking to strangers at any cost.’  
‘Didn’t I just told you I spent the last couple of weeks talking to strangers.’ he’s still laughing teasingly.  
‘But that’s work and you were always very committed to work. I mean talking with mates! To make friends’  
‘I have friends mum. Don’t worry, I’m doing fine’  
He gets up and gives her a warm hug and a kiss.  
‘I’m going for a walk. Won’t be long.’

It’s really annoying how Penny’s words can get through him so easily. He walks around checking all the familiar places, how they have changed or stayed the same.  
He grabs his phones and checks the messages from Missy.  
‘Is everything okay? Weren't you supposed to arrive yesterday?’  
He’s not being fair, he told her her schedule, she knows he was supposed to arrive yesterday, she’s probably worried.  
‘Hi, sorry I didn’t text earlier. I got to London yesterday but left right away to visit my parents.’  
He keeps walking. Maybe she’ll be mad and won’t talk to him anymore. Or maybe she’ll reply.  
Alex knows what he is avoiding. He has the perfect opportunity presented to him, a girl he randomly met, in the street, no strings attached to work or to his fame or to his band. A girl that was so blind there was no way she could have told who he was even if she knew the band.  
He had his share of clingy fangirls pretending they didn’t recognise Alex only to make him trust them. Eventually they would either confess their dishonesty or mess up their story or some would just be very obvious after a while. Either way every single one of them would find a way to make Alex heart sting a bit and he wasn’t ready to go through that again.  
His phone buzzes, it's Missy. He finds it odd, it’s tuesday middle of the morning, she is clearly a workaholic, isn’t she working? He picks up.  
‘Alex hi, everything okay?’  
‘Hi, yeah… I was in a rush and forgot to text sorry’  
‘It’s okay. I was actually picturing you with a massive hangover sleeping for two days straight but visiting your folks is a better option’  
Maybe she’s okay with it just because she knows who Alex is and wants to get close to him. That’s why she’s calling during her work hours, that’s why she’s not mad to be left hung dry.  
Alex can’t stop these thoughts running through his mind, he can’t even think what normal reaction he should be expecting from her.  
‘Alex?’  
He’s not sure what to say, should he give this person a chance? He thinks back at all the disappointments and heartbreaks he had.  
‘Alex, it was a joke. I know jetlag can be a bitch I just figured you were tired’  
‘Uh yeah I know.’  
‘ *beep* Shit.’ he hears Missy typing fast in the computer and ending with a sigh. So she is working after all?  
Alex gathers his courage. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be working?’  
‘I am, sorry. I’m just doing something really boring and repetitive, I don’t need to be with my mind 100% on it. I actually enjoy the company.’  
‘Oh so you just want me to entertain you while you work’ it was supposed to come out as a joke but it sounded a bit more serious that he planned.  
‘What?’  
‘Uh nothing forget it’  
‘No I just figured you could tell me a bit about your trip. I am listening but I can call you during my lunch break if you prefer.’  
Alex is very tempted to say yes just so he won’t have to deal with the mess in his head. He’s perfectly aware he’s always a step back when it comes to meeting and talking to new people. He also thinks he’s earned that right, the right to not get close to anyone and consequently not get hurt. Penny’s words echo is his head though and he understands her view, she says there’s good people out there they’re just a bit hard to find. He remembers the deal he made with Missy.  
‘Hey how are your eyes, I forgot to ask’  
‘Oh they’re fine now, turns out I’m allergic to pollen, a few antistaminics and I‘m good’  
‘Not blind anymore?’  
‘Not blind no, just slightly poor vision like I’ve always have’  
‘That’s good, that glassy eyes look wasn’t doing wonders for ya’  
‘Hey! That’s unfair, how am I supposed to have a comeback if I didn’t have a proper look at you!’  
Alex chuckles ‘C’est la vie’  
‘Life indeed. You speak French?’  
‘Un petit peu’  
‘Horrible language. I much prefer english’  
‘You’re not from England though’  
There’s a pause and Alex thinks he can hear her breathing shaking.  
‘I live here now, that’s all that matters.’  
There’s clearly something she wants to keep hidden. Alex doesn't know if he has the right to introduce but he speaks anyway.  
‘You know, you’re always telling me to speak my mind but there’s also stuff you avoid talking about.’  
‘Yes, but I think those are two different things. You have trust issues for some reason and what you aren’t saying affects the way people perceive you in a negative way. I choose not to talk about my past, because it’s irrelevant but I don’t hesitate stating my point of view or beliefs. But yeah fair enough. Trust comes both ways and all that *sigh *. I’m from Spain, I left my parents house when I was 19 because we didn’t get along, I traveled a lot, saw a lot of shit but pulled myself through and now I’m here doing what I like and trying to make this place my home.’  
Alex stutters a bit, he wasn’t expecting that revelation. He feels a hint of guilt for forcing her to reveal all of that. She wasn't hiding anything, that’s probably just the type of thing you don’t start with when introducing yourself. Now that he thinks of it, she’s been honest all along while Alex not so much, he let her think he’s a poet, well that’s not a lie but it isn’t the whole truth as well.  
‘Sorry, my point is my past is not relevant, I’m not hiding it, it’s just… it doesn’t reflect who I am.’  
‘I understand, I shouldn’t have asked.’  
‘It’s fine. Uh… look, I have a meeting in a bit. Talk to you later?’  
‘Yeah of course, good work’  
‘Thanks. Bye.’

Alex stops on his feet and tightens the grip on his phone. He turns around, longing for the comfort of his childhood house. He’s not going to tell her who he is and that’s settled. Not until he’s sure she’s the real deal, until he knows she’s not like those other sluts that played around with his heart.  
He decides to text her ‘I’ll be with my parents for a while, won’t have much free time. Coffee next week at the same place?’  
He settles on a plan. In the meanwhile he’s gonna relax and enjoy his hometown while he’s here.


	6. From a Safe Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex doesn't want to take risks and finds a clever way to avoid Missy.

Time flies by, he’s been at his parent’s for a week and now it’s time to get back. He’s been scribbling around thinking of some lyrics and now it’s time to sit and properly think them over.  
He has everything settled for the meet up with Missy, they are meeting at the same coffee place in the afternoon. Missy promised to clear her schedule for him, that was nice.  
He’s not going unprepared, he has a plan.  
________________________________________

Missy’s heart beats faster in anticipation. She’s not sure what’s got into her, maybe she just drank too much coffee but her pulse is fast and she feels a little hot and breathless. She just hopes it’s not some type of bug, she has too much work to be sick.  
She’s late to meet Alex, now pacing fast to the coffee place where they first meet. Her work dragged so she didn’t even have time to go home and change clothes, she wearing black paint suits with a beige blouse and an overcoat, her work bag weighting on her shoulder.  
She hears her phone, ‘shit, where is it?’ The bag is too heavy to maneuver properly and she doesn’t want to slow down and be even later. She eventually grabs her phone, is Alex, of course he must be waiting already.  
‘I’m so sorry, I’m a bit late but I’m almost there!’  
‘Slow down I can hear you panting. I’m not there yet.’  
‘Oh’ she stops in her tracks and takes a deep breath only now realizing how tired she is from running around.  
‘Don’t be mad but I won’t make it there.’  
‘What?’ she feels her heart tighteen, she doesn’t remember the last time she felt something like that and she gets frightened.  
‘The plane got late, I only landed now, still at the airport.’  
‘Oh…’ it is impossible to hide the disappointment.  
‘Go to the coffee place, I’m sorry I can’t be there but I can still make you company’  
She’s a bit reticent and taken by surprise she doesn’t know what to answer, so she doesn't say anything.  
‘I mean it. There’s a table by the window, I like it a lot because of the view. I won’t hang up till I’ve made it up to you.’  
What does that even mean? Missy sights loudly thinking why she’s even involved with this persona. ‘Well, I came all this way so why not’  
‘Thanks’  
Missy keeps walking, she can see her destination.  
‘So what happened with the flight? I thought you were supposed to be back this morning.’  
‘Well, it was a couple hours late but I never thought I wouldn’t be in time when we boarded. But it didn’t take off right away, was stuck in there for a while but could’t use the phone. The airport was a mess. I couldn’t find my luggage and only now realised the time. I’m really sorry, Miss’  
‘That’s alright’ Missy is now in the coffee and she sits by the window, Alex was right she has a nice view of the square, lots of people passing by. ‘Do you have everything sorted out now?’  
‘Yeah… Already called a cab, will be out of here soon. Oh! Try the cheesecake!’  
Missy laughs ‘I’m not really into cheesecake, already chose my victim.’  
‘What did you choose?’  
‘Almond cake? I think’  
‘That’s good too’  
She wasn’t sure about this but Alex's voice on her earphone while she eats cake is not that bad. Of course she would rather have him there, she feels like she hasn’t properly met him yet. Their first encounter was bumpy and she was a mess, she definitely did not had a chance to show her best side and plus she didn’t have a proper look at him, she could barely tell his features, she has no idea of his age, she couldn't properly look at his clothes besides the fact that they were lacking. She trails in this line of thought while Alex talks about how he hates flying until she lets out a sight and looks outside.  
‘Am I boring you?’ Alex asks.  
‘Wha- No, sorry. I was just thinking. You’re like a ghost to me, I can’t even picture you. Feels like…’ She takes a deep breath to compose herself and she’s now self aware of the crude honesty she let out ‘Oh, sorry nevermind that’  
‘Feels like?’  
‘Forget it, it doesn’t make sense’  
‘Dun matter. Please, tell me.’ His voice is soothing for some reason makes her feel at ease and she confesses.  
‘I guess I just- I’m a bit sad that you’re not here. I didn’t realize…I didn’t realize that- that I was excited for our meeting. And I think I feel...ugh-’ She stops here. Lonely? That can’t be she spent her whole life standing by herself without relying on anyone. All the times she gave a little bit of trust to someone it backfired on her so she learned to not be so giving. For all she knows Alex can be the next disappointment waiting to happen.  
Her eyes start to water bringing up the little red lines in them, she doesn’t like to think this way. She hates this mistrust she has, she knows it is keeping her from bounding with other people but it’s the only protection she has. She has built a wall so high around herself she only knows how to function under its shade. Now someone is knocking on it and she doesn’t mind, she has dealt with this before. It just never occurs to her to look around and see that there’s no one else on her side of her wall. She has always been alone, but this is probably the first time she felt… lonely.  
She tries her best to keep indiferent before this realization but her throat suddenly feels tight and dry, she checks her pulse and feels it pumping hard and fast. She keeps her gaze on the people passing on the street and tries to keep her breathing steady, well aware that Alex is still listening.  
‘I don’t know’ she tries to sound cheerful but her words came out as a weird and a bit high sound ‘I’m just blabbing. I’m sure we’ll have other opportunities to see each other’  
‘Of course we’ll have love’ that soothing and firm voice like he’s reciting some universal truth, so sure of himself. It was just what she needed to keep her composure.  
‘It’s Missy’  
‘Ah yes right. What about babe?’  
She bursts out laughing barely controlling herself ‘Definitely NOT. That’s ridiculous’  
‘What! Thought that’s my best line!’ she chuckles along  
She can’t stop laughing ‘Maybe you should rethinking the poet career then’  
‘Ouch!’  
The tears come running down her face while she disturbs the other customers with her chuckles. She tries to wipe them away, as she notices the stares of one or another person passing in the street. Soon she is feeling better and the whole issue leaves her mind.  
‘Hey did you pick the seat I said? You know you can see the big Ben from there.’  
‘I did and yes it’s a nice view but no Big Ben’  
‘I swear it’s there but you can only see like the very top of it, without the clock’  
‘That’s pointless’ she smiles  
‘Ah well but besides it I think it’s really nice, I sometimes like to stay there and watch the streets, to help inspire me a bit’  
Missy looks around. There’s tourists taking pictures of the buildings, of the statues, of each other, there’s people dressed for work passing by in a rush, some teens laughing and being loud, a person sitting on a bench apparently doing nothing, a lady feeding pigeons, a taxi driver having a smoke…  
‘I don’t see how it can be inspiring, it’s just a city. The inside of the coffee it’s actually more beautiful to me’  
‘Well, I used to find inspiration on what was happening around me, stil do.’  
‘For your writing?’  
‘Yeah.’  
‘What do you write about?’  
‘Ah- It’s hum… lots of things that- I think it’s- yes stuff that come me mind and- and- I write stuff… like that.’  
‘Wow’  
‘Whot?’  
‘I hope you never have to recite what you write.’  
‘Oh shutap it’s not that easy to describe’  
They both chuckle while teasing each other. He’s such a contradiction, how can he be any good with words on paper if he can’t barely express himself in a conversation.  
‘But actually’ Alex says sounding serious ‘I’m thinking of dreaming and I’ve had this thing in me head. See I said I’d make it up for not being there. I wanna show you what- what i wrote. If- if you want to.’  
Missy can feel this is a serious thing for Alex and she helps him feel at ease.  
‘Of course I want to Alex. Can you recite it for me?’  
‘I’d actually prefer to text you. It’s- it’s not done I’m still working it’  
‘Okay’  
Missy immediately gets the text from Alex

‘’ I'm in a building and I notice…’’

She carefully reads it, putting her full attention on his words. She doesn’t know much about poetry or literature in general. When she writes she is always very literal and direct, never really understanding the point of walking around the bush. She’s not sure what Alex means with those words, the first thing that comes to mind is that there aren’t any buildings in the middle of the ocean, it just doesn’t make sense.

‘’...Want to wake up to my dream report?’’

‘’And a wicked gale came howling up…’’

She picks up a hint of nostalgia even if she cannot relate to the warm of coming back to her hometown.

‘’...Isn't it boring when I talk about my dreams’’

It’s a small text and she feels there’s more to it that she’s picking up. Is he just blabbing about random things he dreamt of or is there a gem hidden in it? She’s ready to take the first option but empty words wouldn’t make her feel that smell of home (wherever that may be).

She frowns at her phone, she hates unsolved puzzles; it buggs her not understanding what’s in front of her.

‘So?’ Alex's voice brings her back to reality.  
‘I don’t get it’  
He chuckles a bit ‘Really? I actually think there’s not to much to it’  
‘You’re from Sheffield?’  
‘Yes.’  
‘Is it supposed to be a trip down memory lane?’  
‘Hum.. maybe a bit’  
‘Are you describing your dreams? As messy as dreams can be?’  
‘You don’t like it?’  
‘I don’t understand it… not completely. But I think it sounds very honest.’  
‘Honest…’

Missy looks at the poem again like if it was an illusion where you can only really see it if you stare long enough. But the words don’t change, and she can’t find the logical reason behind them. Even so, she still feels they’re important and she feels a bit closer to Alex.  
____________________________

Alex chose his seat perfectly, from here he has a clear view to the coffee shop and it’s far enough he can be at ease without getting immediately noticed.  
He calls Missy and convinces her to go by herself while they talk on the phone. He knows that what he’s doing is wrong but he can’t trust her, he can’t trust anyone.  
He watches as she gets in and sits where he told her. From what she is wearing plus her huge bag, he can guess she came running directly from work to meet him. He can’t help to feel a bit guilty about it but he doesn’t overthink it.  
He gets on blabbing about his trip and the awful flight while he watches her settling in and cool down from the run. She is now starting to relax a bit and doesn't seem so confused as she was a bit ago while Alex stood her up.  
As she stares at the street he can’t help to notice the sad expression on her face, like she’s about to break into a million pieces. Her loud sigh gives him the opportunity to ask about it. he‘s pleased that she opened up a bit to him. Her somber expression complemented the words she let out enough for Alex to feel a knot of guilt around his neck for making her feel that way. The girl was actually eager to meet him, the random guy on the street Alex.  
He changes the subject trying his best to act cool while cheering her up. And now it’s time for him to trust her a bit with his words.  
He almost can’t control himself, the confused look on her face makes him want to burst out laughing. He sends her a snippet of a song he’s working on, it isn’t out yet so she can’t figure out who he is with it. And well, if she is lying and already knows who he is it will be on tomorrow's gossip tablet ‘A snippet of Alex Turner’s new song’ and his questions about her would be answered. Alex doesn’t believe it though. She is studying his words just if someone gave her a quest and not like a fan or journalist. There’s no lust for fame or recognition in her eyes.

He has seen enough, he made sure she would look in his direction and she didn’t recognise him. Not has the famous Alex nor as the Alex she met while she was blind. Her words were truthful and matched her expressions and body language. And he was a dick. A proper wanker. For not trusting her, for letting her alone, for spying on her.

He takes another look at her, seems like she’s leaving. He asks about it and she explains that as he’s not here she might as well be anywhere. She mentions a pile of laundry at home she’s been avoiding for too long. He chuckles, but he gets it. He’s not there with her, she is very practical. She continues ‘I saved the afternoon to be with you, mind and body. But as we’re only using our minds, my body will use this time to fold the laundry’. He laughs, a bit sad because he could have been with her if he wasn’t such an idiot. He reassures her that he gets what she means. It’s impossible not to notice the extra hours she puts in and the little time she saves for herself, always busy with something else. Even so, she found a few hours to be with him.

Alex panics a bit now as she sees Missy walking in his direction with a firm pace. Did she notice him? A more careful look reveals that her attention is not on him but on something behind him. She suddenly stops and sighs aloud ‘Missed the taxi’.’They’re always passing dun worry’.  
She keeps walking while chatting with Alex. Alex's heart is in his mouth as Missy passes by him just a few meters away but she doesn’t look at him; she is looking around for a ride home.  
He calms down once she passes and decides to walk home with her voice in his ears.


	7. I'm a fucking celebrity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex tries to be honest with Missy... Has perfect timing

‘Let’s go out!’  
What the hell do you mean Alex? She’s at work when he spams her with invitations to ‘go out’ and even though she is trying to focus it’s becoming a little annoying.  
‘What? I’m working. I’ll only leave around midnight, I told you’  
‘That’s perfect I’ll pick you up at ya work.’  
‘I’ll be too tired to go out. Where do you even wanna go at that hour?!!’  
‘To the pubs, let’s have a drink it will be fun’  
What the f- What’s he thinking? He had spent the previous days saying he wanted to meet with her so they could know each other best but… a pub? That’s some mixed signals, if she hadn’t spent so many hours talking to him she’d thought he was just a guy looking for a shag. Is he? Her head screams red alert, but.. He’s an awkward dude, maybe he just wants to go out?  
‘Can’t we go somewhere nicer? And maybe during the day? I can find some time on the weekend’  
‘No, sorry. Want to take you out. It’s a nice place dun worry luv’  
___________________

She spent the rest of the day arguing with him and she thought he had given up. When she’s leaving her work place she spots a guy smoking outside. It caughts her attention immediately, he’s slowly pacing from one side to another right outside the gates while inhaling big puffs of smoke holding it for a few moments before exhaling smoke rings into the cold air.  
He’s wearing skinny dark pants, a light coloured shirt and a leather jacket, making him look like a rock star. His hair is overly done, pulled back on the sides and an overly dramatic stylish finish at the top. The whole sigh is surreal, like this character had been taken from a gangster movie and misplaced at the entrance of a science research institute.  
She slows down her pace. It’s late and dark, she doesn’t really feel like walking by such a character while she’s carrying her computer and there’s no one else around. Luckily the security from the institute appears from a corner and she takes the opportunity to sneak past the stranger but as she does so, he speaks.  
‘Where do you think you’re going luv?’  
She freezes on the spot. She mentally prepares herself to kick and scream while slowly turning around.  
‘Did you forget our date Missy?’ She is still consumed by fear and takes her a second to recognise the voice while he continues.  
‘It’s way past midnight, you could at least answer my messages.’  
She’s still super confused but she gets her head clear enough to ask.  
‘Alex?’  
‘Dun Alex me it’s cold, come on lets drink’  
Missy can’t believe this is happening. She is tired, exhausted, sleep deprived and almost had a heart attack from this scare so she doesn’t hold back.  
‘You fucking idiot you scared the shit out of me!!!’ She is shouting and Alex seems taken by surprise and steps back.  
‘Jesus Christ you can’t just ambush someone like that!! I had no idea it was you. I was scared for my life!’  
She puts her hands on her knees and breathes heavily. She’s so tired the only thing that soothes her is the thought of a warm shower and her bed.  
‘ ‘m sorry. I didn’t though-’  
She gives him an angry look that cuts through the night air and he immediately shuts up. Missy takes a few moments to calm down, not bothering with Alex’s presence and when she feels she’s well enough she stands up tall and shoots another killer look at Alex.  
‘I’m- I’m really sorry didn’t mean to scare you Missy’  
She sighs ‘I know… Where exactly do you wanna go?’  
‘To this pub in the center, they always have good music and drinks are good’  
‘That explains the look’ She was teasing, she feels like she earned that right. ‘What am I supposed to be? Wingman or prey?’ She still has the angry look on her face and Alex's surprised reaction to the question makes her frown deepen.  
‘No- nothing like that! This is me normal clothes. Look I know you’re mad but I really just wanna hang out with you and have a drink.’  
She stares at him, perhaps trying to figure out his true intentions. As the moments pass, so does her anger and all the other bad emotions she had from the scare.  
‘Text me the address, I’ll meet you there’  
‘Ah- wh- don’t you wanna come with me?’  
‘I need to swing by home and change’  
‘I can go with you’  
‘Well, I’m not sure I want you to know where I live.’ She smiles a bit teasing and Alex gives her a look of compliance.  
‘See you soon’  
_________________________

Missy is quick to change from her pencil skirt into some dark jeans, casual shirt and sneakers. Before she leaves home she lets a friend know where she’s going just to be safe and off she goes.

Alex is easy to spot, he was by the bar handing over an empty bottle which the bartender replaced with a full one. Once he spots her, he orders one for her and they go find themselves a wall to lean on..  
‘Did you start without me?’  
‘Oh I was just warming up. Listen I’m really sorry I gave you that scare, wasn’t on purpose’  
‘It's okay’ she smiles faintly. ‘So what’s so special about this place’  
‘There used to be bands playing here. Now there’s no band but they still got good taste in music’ his speech is a bit different, she thinks he’s already tipsy.  
There’s some Joy Division playing, she remembers the words ‘ROCK’ in neon on the outside of the bar. Looking around there’s some guitars and vinil disk displayed around on the walls, not with particular care. She’s not picturing how a band could play in such a small place, they probably remodeled it because there is no stage. There’s tables and chairs, a couple of sofas. She notices that some people are singing along or tapping they’re hands to the rhythm or shaking their heads. There’s no actual dance floor but a small group is making their own session of karaoke/dancing clearly enjoying the mood the bar provides.

‘So people come here because of the music?’  
‘Some do, tonight’s is 70’s and 80’s rock I think’  
AC/DC starts playing as in confirmation of Alex’s theory. Missy probes around the unfamiliar place, she gets a bit startled when almost everyone sings along the ‘You shook me all night long’ chorus. An open and bright smile takes over her face.  
‘This is awesome.’  
Alex smiles along ‘Told you we’d have fun.’  
____________________

They dance, laughing and sing along in the middle of the small bar. Missy is super excited moving her body to the sound of Bowie’s ‘Let’s dance’ and Alex takes the moment to show his hip game making ridiculous over dramatic gestures with his hands. Missy gets close giving him a ‘Not bad’ to his ear. Alex smirks and puts a hand on the back on her neck pulling her even closer ‘I know’. Alex runs his hands down her neck, through her arms till he catches her hands and shouts ‘You on the other hand are really stiff’. Missy does a face of indignation and Alex starts to shake her hands to make her mimic his moves. It goes terribly wrong as she can’t follow his shenanigans and the ridiculous scene makes her laugh uncontrollably.  
When the music changes to ‘Teen Age Riot’ and the steady guitar rhythm fills the air, Alex gets closer and chooses a simple move for MIssy to dance along. This time she gets the hang of it and they dance face to face looking at each other. They can only smile at each other while they let the music, the cozy and familiar environment of the bar and the alcohol fill them.

After screaming their lungs out in a singing competition with some newly acquired karaoke friends, Missy is still having the time of her life but she can only hide her exhaustion till some point and it seems like Alex was able to notice it. They share a look and Missy tries to widen her smile. He grabs her hand and pulls her out of the crowd to lean into the nearest wall.  
‘You okay?’ She turns her face to him only to notice how close he is leaning and she can’t help to stare into his eyes for a moment before nodding affirmatively.  
‘Let’s get some air’ He puts her hand on her shoulder and guides her further into the bar into a flight of stairs she hadn’t noticed before.  
They emerge on the rooftop of the building where there's a couple of people probably also resting from the party. There’s not much to it, just a few benches and empty bottles on the ground.  
Alex guides her to sit and handles her a bottle of water.  
‘Thanks’ She leans back and now her eyelids get heavy, she takes a gulp and it feels marvelous in her sore throat. Alex grabs the bottle and takes a sip apparently not bothered by sharing it. He takes another and Missy turns her head to his side, watching his Adam apple going up and down while he drinks and clears his throat.  
Alex searches his jacket until he finds a pack of smokes and promptly lights one, releasing a big cloud into the air.  
‘You’re staring’ he lets out ‘Do you want one?’  
‘No, thanks’  
She sulks further into the cold bench letting the weight of her eyelids take over, her arms crossed trying to hide her hands from the cold air.  
‘Hey.. Don’t fall asleep’ he gives her a tap with his shoulder  
‘I’m. So. Tired. Can’t remember the last time I did something like this.’  
‘Seriously? You seemed pretty comfortable’  
‘Been buried in work since I came back to the UK. Never took the time to let myself go I guess.’  
‘What about before?’  
She takes a deep breath, her eyes still close and she lets her memories flood her.  
‘Before that I was back in my country with my friends and we would go out and drink and dance and get high whenever we like. Seems like forever ago.’  
‘Knew you weren’t so uptight as you lead on.’  
She chuckles ‘I still prefer to be a responsible adult most of the times’  
Alex finishes his cigar and shifts on his sit leaning back and getting a bit closer to her, his arm stretched out behind her. Missy jumps, her senses coming back to her as she feels the light touch of Alex's hand on her shoulder.  
She turns her head to him and gives him a raised eyebrow in question.  
‘Wot?’  
She points at Alex’s hand on her shoulder intensifying her sceptical look. He chuckles tightening his grips on her shoulder while stroking up and down a bit.  
‘Told you it’s nothing like that. You’re shaking, just trying to warm you up’  
Missy is clearly not convinced but she doesn’t counter him, the feeling of a warm strong hand on her is not unpleasant. They stay there for a moment enjoying the night air.  
‘Hey Alex?’  
‘Hum.’  
‘Remember our promise? When you drunk called me from LA?’  
‘Ugh…’ Alex is suddenly uncomfortable in his shoes ‘Sorry about that, I can usually control my alcohol better. But yeah I remember the promise.’  
‘Have you delivered?’  
‘Well we technically haven’t had our coffee yet’  
She shoots him an angry look and he laughs.   
‘I’m joking, I did.’  
‘Good.’  
Missy relaxes a bit more and lets her head rest against him, his embrace feels like home and she can’t resist it. Alex doesn’t seem to mind, his hand still travelling up and down her forearm.  
‘Don’t you wanna know what it is?’  
‘Do you wanna tell me?’  
Good question, does he? Alex shifts unsure of what to answer and Missy feels something is off, she raises her head to have a proper look at him. Her eyes are red from the cold air, the smoke and the tiredness but besides they also carry some concern.  
‘Alex you okay?’  
‘Yeah, I-’ he takes a break to clear his throat and maybe to gain some courage. ‘I wanna tell you. But-’ he scratches the back of his neck while searching for words. ‘I also want us to stay this way.’  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘I haven’t been fully honest Missy’  
She starts to worry, first for Alex as he seems to be seriously struggling but the admission of dishonesty also makes her fear she has once again misplaced her trust. She tries to shove away that thought to focus on Alex and to give him a chance to explain what he means. Alex continues  
‘I doubted you from the start’ he removes his hand of her to light another smoke ‘I thought you might knew who I am and you were just trying to get close with mischieving intentions’  
Missy doesn’t understand what he’s talking about and the confusion is visible on her face.  
‘But I got to the conclusion that you don’t have a clue and it’s really amazing’ he smiles and his eyes shine a bit, but it’s a sad smile filled with the guilt of lying to her ‘It’s just hard to know who to trust and you being ignorant in that aspect made it easier.’  
Missy is completely lost, she can only understand that he’s been keeping something from her but he hasn’t revealed what.  
‘Alex… I’m not sure I understand… And you’re not making me feel safe right now....’

Alex looks at Missy and her face shows fear, something similar to when she didn’t recognize him earlier that night but not quite. He tries to see things from her perspective, something that he wasn’t able to do before because he didn’t truly believe she was oblivious to his identity. He’s just a guy she’s been chatting for a few weeks now and she had only met once before in odd circumstances, now he decided to show up at her workplace to take her out, late at night, to a bar, where he confesses he’s been lying to her. Way to go Alex, you managed to creep her out.

‘Shit, sorry. I know this sounds weird but you got nothing to worry about.’  
Missy gets up, putting herself in the line of sight of some group of girls smoking on the other side of the roof. Her hand reaches her pocket where she clutches her phone.  
‘You’re acting very suspicious Alex, I think it’s time I go home.’  
‘No, that’s not-’ he presses hand to cover his face, cigar still lit in his fingers. ‘I’m a fucking celebrity’ he says it with shame. She doesn’t believe he has bad intentions but she also feels the liquor evolving her brain and she’s not a fool to take risks.  
‘I had a good time. Really. I had fun. But now it’s time for me to go home and rest.’ She forces a faint smile and turns her back to him, leaving in a quick pace not giving him a chance to stop her.

In an instant she’s back down at the bar heading for the exit when she feels someone grabbing her arm, she turns round to face a smiling woman she’s never seen before.  
‘Hi!’ the woman says, widening her smile. Missy yanks her arm from her uncomfortable grip and tries to dismiss her.  
‘Sorry I’m leaving.’  
‘Wait a second, you have to tell me about it!’ what the hell is she talking about, she stands now between Missy and the path to the door and Missy is not happy about the situation.  
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about please move away.’  
‘Of course you do! I saw you there with Alex, what are you a new girlfriend? Since when do you know him?’ the woman's hand is back on Missy’s arm and she fixes her eyes on Missy’s. Missy doesn’t know how to handle the situation. The woman doesn’t seem to want to let her go and the way she places her questions they sound more like threats than requests. She looks around the bar for some way out until she feels another hand on the other arm and a massive shake.  
‘Hey don’t be a stuck up! Tell me what he said! Did he mention new works? New relationships? What kind of fucking underwear is he wearing?’ the woman is shouting at her face while shaking and squeezing her arms. She starts to feel weak due to all the tiredness, alcohol and that aggression and she nearly thinks she’s gonna throw up or just plainly faint in that moment.  
‘HEY!’ a guy intervenes by shoving the woman away from Missy and yelled her off, he called her by her name and the doorman seemed to immediately recognise her and promptly invited her out.  
‘Jesus you okay? That lady never learns, goddamn journalists.’ Missy recognises the man as her earlier karaoke partner and that makes her feel a bit better.  
‘Thank you, you really saved me here, Joel’ she’s still jumpy but sober enough to ask ‘Who was that woman? She was very persistent’  
Joel’s wife, Rachel, joins them, Missy also recognises her from before. They’re a cute couple passionate about music and were happy to share their interest with Missy and Alex while they danced and sang earlier.  
‘She’s out, you don’t have to worry’ she says ‘this is a nice bar to hang out and meet some faces but unfortunately there are those who take advantage of that.’  
‘Yeah, that woman tries to sneak in every once in a while to get some gossip’  
‘What? What do you mean? What’s so special about this place?’ Missy doesn’t understand the situation.  
‘I thought you knew... some famous faces appear in this bar sometimes. We’re a tight group of music fans and we respect all the visitors but sometimes we have this kind of trouble.’  
‘You two come here a lot?’  
Rachel laughs ‘Yeah we even contribute to some of the decoration!’  
‘Do you know Alex?’  
‘Well I doubt there’s anyone in England that doesn’t know Alex’ he laughs loudly.  
‘Oh you know that’s not what she meant! We spotted him here once or twice but we only got the chance to meet him today.’  
Her head is spinning, she can’t decide on what to believe. This day has been too much for her, just a few hours earlier she was in her office working and now she was in the middle of whatever this is.  
‘So… Alex’s famous? Is he a fucking celebrity?’  
The couple looks at her confused trying to figure out if she’s joking or not.  
‘Do you seriously not know how he is?’ the woman is incredule.  
‘I just met him a while ago, thought he was a random dude. He said now that he’s famous but I don’t know if I believe him.’  
‘Maybe is because you’re not from around’ he is referring to her accent and speaking seriously ‘but yeah, he’s famous’  
‘Thanks’ Missy smiles and takes her leave, the couple still asking if she wants to know who Alex is but she politely refuses.


	8. Show me yours and I’ll show you mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make peace and plan for stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I suck at summaries .-.
> 
> Comments are welcome

Saturday morning came way too fast and she doesn’t think twice about shutting off her alarms and going back to sleep.  
It's the middle of the afternoon when she gets a call from her friend and spends the rest of the day chatting about the bizarre events of the night before.  
She goes to bed early as the adventures of the day before still weigh on her. Before she falls asleep she revives that night in new eyes. The bar had a bouncer and some people were not allowed to enter, inside it seemed like half of the bar knew the other half, everyone talked about music, concerts, records, guitars and other instruments, some either went so technical Missy would get lost. Everyone sang along or at least would shake a leg. It was safe to assume it was a place for music lovers. Alex seemed comfortable there, it was definitely not his first time. Clearly he liked the 80’s. She’s still struggling to make sense of what he said on the roof. The creepy journalist and the nice couple confirmed he is indeed some type of persona.  
If that’s true, she can kind of imagine the trust issues from there derived. Still, no right to lie to her.  
She also knows she might have freaked out a bit and that leaving that like probably hurted him. He seemed genuine, he was really trying to express himself and she didn’t give him the chance. Although he could have chosen a less dubious scenario.  
She continues to relive the night in her head, she can’t choose between feeling guilty and bad for being rude to him or being angry and feeling betrayed by his lies.  
___________________

Sunday morning she woke up renewed, her attention on the work she had planned to do the day before but didn’t get the chance. But her eyes deviate to her phone every hour or so. Alex didn’t call or text, she starts to wonder if he got home safe, or if she was just such an asshole that he quit on her. She’s usually very composed and able to compartmentalize her life so that her personal issues don’t affect her work. But it’s been awhile she had such a crazy night and she can’t stop being bugged by how she left things with Alex.  
When her phone buzzes she doesn’t even think before answering it.  
‘Hi’  
‘Uh… Hi Missy. Wasn’t sure you were gonna pick up.’  
‘Well I did.’  
‘Are you- are you okay? You got home alright?’  
‘Bit late for that don’t you think…’  
‘Ah sorry…’  
‘It turned out okay, luckily Joel and Rachel were there.’  
‘Wait what? What are you talking about?’  
Oh that’s right. Missy recalls leaving Alex on the roof, he didn’t follow. He totally missed that little scene with the reporter.  
‘Oh uh.. It was nothing, just some lady that was supposedly a journalist approached me and wouldn’t leave, Joel had to scare her off until she was kicked out.’  
There were some moments of silence from the other side and she thinks she can hear Alex’s breath getting heavier but it’s probably just her imagination.  
‘What did she said?’ his voice is assertive and plain, she can’t tell if he is demanding answers or trying to sound neutral.  
‘Uh.. She was asking about you actually. She said she saw us together.’  
‘What did she look like?’ his voice is still dead serious and Missy starts to worry but she’s not sure what to do.  
‘I- I didn’t get a good look at her, I think she was blonde… Does it matter?’  
‘Curly hair blonde, grey eyes, american accent?’  
‘Uh yeah how-’  
‘Did she do something? I’m sorry Missy I should have stayed with you, I never thought she would show up there.’  
‘Alex who the hell is she?’  
‘She- She’s just a journalist but she has the reputation of going a bit too far to get her stories. I’ve had some trouble with her before.’  
Missy sighs loudly ‘That’s reassuring. Look I didn’t tell her anything I was just trying to leave and when she grabbed me Joel intervened and that was it.’ Missy is starting to get a bit exalted, thinking back on that scene she realises things could have gone really wrong if she hadn’t got help and that frightens her.  
‘Missy… I won’t ever leave you alone like that. I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry. And I’m sorry if I freaked you out- I didn’t mean to.’  
‘It’s okay, you just chose a really bad timing.’ It’s true, that night was amazing and Alex added a bitter end to it. She was legitimately scared. Scared of Alex because she doesn’t feel like she really knows him, scared of getting hurt again because even though she doesn't know him, she trusted him.  
‘I guess did.’  
‘But that reporter… and Rachel and Joel.. and some other people in the bar… you’re a celebrity okay I believe it.’  
‘Uh I-’ Alex stutters like he never did before, Missy almost feels like telling him to let it out but she knows better and she waits patiently for him to gather his thoughts. ‘So you know now who I am?’  
‘I do not. I just asked around if you were famous, I didn’t ask what you’re famous for.’  
‘Why? Don’t you wanna know?’  
‘I do but… I don’t think you’re comfortable with me knowing and I’d rather hear it from you when you feel like it.’  
Alex laughs ‘You’re unbelievable! How can you be so considerate after I scared the shit out of you?’  
‘I wasn’t scared!’ She doesn’t think that lie will still but she doesn’t want to admit it.  
‘Of course not.’ he says teasingly.  
‘Look, come have lunch with me tomorrow, it will be sunny. I usually go to that park near my work when the weather allows it. Are you free?’  
‘Uh yeah I can be there’  
‘I have work to catch up so we’ll see each other tomorrow.’  
‘Deal. See you tomorrow.’  
_________________

Missy spots Alex sitting in one of the picnic tables of the park, wearing sunglasses although the sun is still hidden behind the clouds. She can’t help but smile and wave like a kid as soon as he looks in her direction. She hurries up her pace and quickly gets up to him sitting in front of him.  
‘Hi’ her smile is open and invites Alex into her warm.  
‘You’re in a good mood’ Alex can’t help but smirk a bit, caught in her contagious energy.  
‘I am. Work is going well and I have good company to eat.’  
She places her backpack on the table and takes out a small picnic towel laying it on, she had texted Alex saying she would make something for them. She takes out two containers with food, places them in front of Alex and looks him in the eyes with a flirty smile.  
‘Now you can choose’ She takes one of the containers and elevates it to eye level making exaggerated movements to present it to Alex. ‘Here we have my tuna salad with pasta penne, it has a variety of nuts, canned peaches for a sweet touch and to top it off a secret sauce.’ She puts it down and takes the other container making the same introduction ‘And here, we have my chicken and couscous salad with peppers and tomato sauce.’ she sets it down and looks at Alex waiting for his decision.  
Alex is leaned back with a huge grin on his face, clearly enjoying her little recreation of their first encounter. ‘You’ll never beat my tiny cakes but okay. I choose tuna’  
Missy takes the chicken salad for herself and digs in, she takes a few huge bites and after swallowing a particular big one she relaxes back.  
‘Sorry’ she still has some food in her mouth ‘woke up early haven’t eat since’  
‘You could have made a break you know’  
‘Nah, I didn’t want to get late. Is it good?’  
Alex shrugs ‘It’s pretty good, let me try yours’ he doesn’t wait for her permission to take some of her portion. When he tastes it there’s a pleasant surprise in his face.’Wow that’s actually pretty good’  
Missy smiles proud of herself.  
‘What’s in here?’  
‘I told you’  
‘There’s clearly more’  
‘It’s a secret’ she can’t hide the amusement of that moment, she is feeling too well to even try it. She doesn’t care if her happiness is obvious, she will gladly share her good mood with Alex if he's open to it.  
‘What’s gotten into you? Where’s that serious Missy?’  
‘I don’t know if you feel the same but… I think we’ve hit a milestone and I’m really happy about it. I’m happy that you trusted in me enough to confide in me.’

Alex looks at her and feels the guilt consuming him. Yes he finally was able to tell her he is famous but let's not forget we also managed to scare the shit out of her in the process and he thinks he was very lucky they were able to clear the misunderstanding. Besides that mess, he still hasn’t told her everything and he’s not sure if he wants to. There’s a part of him that wants her to be her clueless friend, so he can never doubt her intentions. He also knows that if her intentions are good she won’t disappoint him. In this moment he could describe her smile as the most innocent he has ever seen, it’s not a ‘could you get me backstage access’ smile, or a ‘could you put a good word for my band’ smile or even a ‘I always wanted to fuck a rockstar’ smile.  
He has to lower his gaze at her homemade salad to keep it together, he doesn’t know how he can express his struggle without pushing her away. Another ‘I’ve been lying to you’ speech is out of the question, it was rough that moment, for both. He weighs his options in his head, his secret, that is actually his life! feels like a ticking bomb that could go off at any moment and ruin what he built with Missy.

‘Alex?’

Maybe he will just have to drop it all, spit it out and let it be. If Missy is for real then she will still be there and that will be the ultimate proof of her authenticity. Of course she could take advantage of him like many others did before and then he would be miserable and alone and feeling played. It’s not like he believes Missy is like that, but he has suffered too much to throw himself blindly at her without any garanties.

‘Alex!!’

He feels a hand on his shoulder and he slowly snaps out of that line of thought. He looks at her and smiles, not because he means it but because her smile makes him smile. Her eyes are searching, he has the impression she is reading his mind.

‘Alex…’ her hand slides down his shoulder, stroking his forearm, his arm, his wrist and finally resting on his left hand. ‘I don’t usually make this kind of assumption, not when I don’t have enough evidence but I’m gonna go ahead and make a guess about you.’ her other hand took the sunglasses of him so she could better see his eyes. She has both hands on his hand and opens it, palm facing up. She traces the lines of his hand with her fingers and then moves to his fingertips where she carefully and gently studies his callouses there. ‘I noticed them yesterday, I don’t know much about this but I think these are from playing some string instrument.’ she closes his hand keeping hers on top of his. Her smile is fading and she dropped her eyes to his hand. ‘I’m guessing you're a musician and a songwriter. I can see how ‘poet’ fits in there…’ she squeezes his hand, takes a deep breath and looks him in the eyes. ‘Am I wrong?’  
Alex is clearly uncomfortable in his shoes, he wasn’t expecting her to figure it out and to confront him about it but he is also glad she did. ‘It’s guitar’  
‘Acoustic?’  
‘Mostly electric.’  
‘Oh so you’re a rockstar’ she smiles teasingly and Alex takes the cue to relax a bit and smile along.  
‘Yeah I kinda am.’  
‘Wow. Should I be fangirling right now?’  
‘That would be the appropriate reaction, yes’  
They smile into each other’s eyes, the playful tone Missy chooses to approach the subject makes Alex at ease and she doesn’t seem mad at him.  
She looks at Alex's hand that she is still holding, suddenly she becomes too self aware of that touch and quickly and awkwardly retreats her hands.  
‘Uh.. sorry.’  
‘I don’t mind’ the words just slipped and he tries to move on to brush it off. ‘So.. What more do you want to know?’  
‘I wanna hear you play.’

There it is. Alex remembers this feeling, feels like a knife piercing his heart, something that dries his throat, makes it hard to breath and makes him just want to crawl into a hole and die. He can’t bear to look at her, he tries to keep the conversation while thinking of some excuse to leave.

‘Uh… I haven’t any gigs planned for soon.’  
‘What?’ she giggles a bit ‘I wasn’t thinking about that. I’m aware that you still don’t want me to know who you are... Uh... I meant you could play a bit for me, not your stuff but whatever you like. It’s your work, a big part of your life, I want to know you.’ she is blushing a bit, maybe she was a bit blunt.  
Alex's eyes go wide looking at her. ‘What makes you think I don’t want you to know who I am?’ Alex takes his smokes out of his pocket and lights one up, they help him relax and keep him calm.  
‘Oh.. I don't know, maybe all that insecurity leaving your pores’ she crosses her arms and stands tall shooting him a cocky look.  
Alex lays back on the bench, puffing big clouds of smoke into the air and looking at her with his best poker face. Oh she definitely hit a nerve, putting on a bad boy face only confirmed it.  
‘You’re funny’ he finally says pointing at her face, cigar at his hand. And all his moves are scripted now, he’s like she got too close and he put on an act. The cool unreachable and unavailable rockstar, this persona doesn’t get affected by petty comments or attacks to his mightiness.  
He leans forward slowly ‘What do you really want?’ his eyes pierce Missy’s but she keeps her stand and doesn’t look away. She is amazed at how his attitude changed just because she got close to figuring him out, it amuses her. And she has to admit that he is good, right now she has no idea what’s on his mind. He raised his walls, he’s on high alert and this way it will be impossible for her to connect with him.  
‘Okay I give up’ she relaxes and smiles warmly at him ‘I want you to come with me to a work thing’ she takes a brochure out of her bag and hands him.  
The paper reads ‘Annual Scientific gathering of the UK most prestigious Research Centers’ and Alex spots her work place at the list.  
‘What’s this?’  
‘It’s a gathering for nerds basically. I’m going to give a talk about my work and watch others do the same, and there’s some other activities. The first day is open to the public, the other two are just for the scientists.’  
‘And you want me to come along?’  
‘I would like some company, there’s no one else going from my department. I thought it could be a chance for you to see a bit of my work.’  
‘Show me yours and I’ll show you mine?’  
She blushes ‘Something like that.’  
‘You had this all planned out’ he smirks and she shrugs and gives him a naughty smile.  
‘But hum..’ Alex says ‘Don’t you think I’m a bit... plain for this?’  
‘There’s some other non-science guests, so it’s okay if you don’t really understand the topics, you can just ask. Scientists love to talk about their work. And I can get you access to the private sessions so there won’t be any public that may recognise you.’  
Alex keeps studying the brochure. ‘Oh it’s just outside Manchester’  
‘Yeah, it’s a big road trip and I get it if you’re not interested-’  
‘I’ll go with you. And I’ll take you to a little studio so we can play for you.’  
‘We?’  
‘My friend Miles, that I last saw in LA came back, he lives up there. This is also a good excuse to meet him.’ Alex smiles, visibly more relaxed and maybe a bit happy about Missy’s invitation.  
‘Okay, then it’s settled’

Alex still has doubts but he impulsively decided to take a risk with Missy. Her excitement is real and she seems genuine while talking about the science gathering and explaining to him what to expect. From what he could tell there will be a lot of important researchers there and she has the weight of her institute on her shoulders. Sounds like a big responsibility and Missy seems nervous about it (she had never shown uncertainty about her work). He can understand why she would like to have someone not from work with her at the event. Alex is not sure how much help he can be but at least he can keep her company. Missy was thoughtful to invite him only to the close sessions where everyone will be focused on their respective works and according to her ‘God could show up and no one would notice’.  
He tells her about the studio and how he has worked with Miles before ending up with an album together. She listens carefully. Her questions are innocent, she asks how they’ve met and Alex ends up blabbing about his life on tour with Miles. Alex explains that he and Miles haven’t spent that much time together recently because Alex focused on another project the past years.  
‘It must suck being away from your friend. You can’t even visit when you feel like it.’  
‘We’re all used to it. But yeah sometimes it sucks.’  
He thinks that Missy understands what’s like being away from the people you care about as she’s been moving around her whole life. He’s not sure she could ever understand the burden of being a face everyone recognises and the struggle of questioning everyone's intentions. He could never put a price on Mile’s friendship and he truly values that. He believes that he will never again find a connection like that and he wished he could find a way to make her understand that he probably won’t ever be able to trust her completely.  
Nevertheless, when she’s around, he feels like trying, so he says:  
‘Come to my place’


	9. I don't know you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missy finds the guts to speak her mind to Alex

‘Come to my place’  
Missy stops talking in the middle of her sentence and stares at Alex trying to process what just came out of his mouth.  
‘I beg your pardon?’  
‘Come to my house’  
‘Yeah I got that part but what for?’  
‘To hang out’  
She puts on her skeptical look sharpening her eyes ‘We’re hanging out right here’  
‘My place is better’  
She doesn’t feel like going around the bush so she decides to be her straightforward self and bluntly asks ‘Are you looking for a shag?’  
Alex smirks and leans closer ‘Would you be up to it?’  
Missy pulls back with an outraged expression and starts dressing her coat. Alex grabs her arm and chuckles.  
‘I’m kidding luv’ she’s still shooting an angry look at him ‘I’m not inviting you for that. You’re the one that said you’d like to hear me play. I have some melodies in my head that I need to write down and I need to play to do that.’  
He was purposely teasing her, he knows she doesn't like to be called ‘love’ even if it’s just slang. She doesn’t want to be reckless and accept the invitation before making sure Alex understands her boundaries.   
‘Well I have work to do myself-’  
‘You can work in my place, you said you didn’t have more lab work today.’ Missy’s not happy to hear her words being used against her. She faces Alex trying to decide what to do. Maybe she takes a bit too long as Alex puts his hand on her head and Missy jerks it out as a reflex. She laughs it out and Alex pats her again on her head.  
‘Come on, I won’t bite’ he’s still persistently patting her head, messing her hair on the process ‘I- I just want to spend a bit more time with you. I won’t bother your work.’  
Missy takes Alex’s hand out of her head and holds it firmly. She looks at him dead serious and waits for Alex grin to fade into a similar expression.  
‘Okay, I trust you Alex.’  
Alex nods reassuring her that he got the message. ‘Let’s go then’  
___________________

Alex opens the door to his apartment and makes a gesture leading her in. She’s not sure what she was expecting, it’s a normal apartment with some open spaces. The living room it’s the first division that has no real separation from what she would call the studio where the piano, desk, books and records lay around near the window. The simple kitchen is on the right side of the hall and from the entrance she can only spot two other doors that she’s guessing must be bedrooms.  
Alex walks past her to the direction of the piano, Missy is still exploring her ground and slowly follows. Alex is distracted picking up random pieces of paper and notebooks from the desk and shuffling them in different ways, Missy’s not sure what he’s trying to achieve. She studies the piano, she doesn't think she ever saw one that beautiful from up close, she looks around at his place amazed by the contrast between his modest home and that piece of art.  
Eventually Alex gives up whatever he was doing and clumsy grabs all the papers and places them on the piano bench.  
‘I’ve cleared the desk for you’  
Missy has to stop herself from laughing, she refrains herself to a warm smile ‘Thanks’.  
She sets up her computer while Alex is still messing with his notes, after a moment he exclaims something under his breath and turns to go through one of the doors coming back in a flash with a neater notebook in his hand.  
‘What’s that?’  
‘Shhh it’s a secret, go work. I’ll play something nice for you to focus.’ He has that cheeky smile on his face that makes Missy want to play along, so she turns to her laptop and keeps on working.  
Soon enough Alex hits the keys delivering his promise, smooth and steady he plays a melody Missy doesn’t recognise but certainly enjoys. She lets herself be immersed in that environment and focuses on her writing. Alex seems absent-minded of her presence. He started steady with something she figures he already knew how to play but soon he stops to mess with his scribbles and slowly touches the keys repeating the same sequence several times. Listening more carefully Missy can tell it’s not exactly the same tune, he adds little changes every few repetitions. She has no knowledge of music composition to understand what he’s doing but that’s okay for her it’s a pleasant sound. She doesn’t want to bother him so she keeps it to herself and does her work, occasionally Alex sighs or the shuffle or his paper breaks her focus for a bit but she rapidly recovers, especially fast when Alex starts playing again. For some reason his flat makes her feel at ease and she lets her guard down, or maybe it is his presence that makes her feel safe. She brushes that thought away, she’s not one to get attached that easily, his house is cozy and the music is nice, he is, as far as she can tell, pretty damn good. She wouldn’t mind having these work conditions more often. She finishes the last paragraph and leans back, smiling proud of her work, she mentally searches for the melody to deepen her bliss only to realise that it’s not there, Alex has stopped playing. She doesn’t hear any shuffling either but her other sense picks up a pleasant smell of tea.  
‘Thought you wouldn’t snap out of it’ she hears Alex’s voice from behind her. She turns around to find Alex leaning into the wall peeking at her work while taking sips from his mug.  
‘Uh- How long have you been in there?’  
‘Long enough to see some defamation of the English language’  
She’s ready to put up her pouty face but Alex is quicker to lean into her computer and fix the syntax error that was bugging him.  
‘You know, I haven’t revised it yet, I would have caught that’ she turns her face from the screen to him and realises he is a bit too close, surprising her. Seems like Alex read her thoughts and took him only a second to calmly step back and grab another mug that was resting nearby and handing it to her.  
‘Thank you’ she takes a sip from the tea, the liquid warms her throat ‘So have you made any progress?’  
‘You couldn’t tell?’ she blushes, was she supposed to notice when the song was done?  
‘Uh I- I don’t really know anything about music.’  
He smiles at her ‘Did you enjoy it then?’  
Missy plays the melody in her head and the warmest of smiles takes over her face.  
‘I did. I really did.’  
________________________

Since Alex first invited her in he’s been consistently inviting her to come back. At first Missy wasn’t very comfortable to intrude but after a while it became the new normal. When she had things to write or desk work she would save it to do with Alex. The first meetings were very work focused, Alex seemed to be struggling with his own artistic progress and Missy wasn’t sure how to help, afterall she’s not a musician. Until one day she came by Alex's house and he asked her to sit with him but the piano.  
‘You gotta tell me what you think of it.’ he played something for her, very similar to what she’s been hearing the past days.  
‘Well, it sounds better than before.’ he keeps his eyes on the keys and she notices he’s humming something underneath his breath too low for her to understand but it feels familiar for some reason.  
‘Come on, I’m sure you can figure it out.’ he smiles a bit and starts again from the top humming along a bit more clearer this time. Missy takes that as a challenge but also as a clue, that cheeky smile on Alex’s face tells her this is something they’ve talked about and that she must know. Alex patiently hits the keys and keeps playing now almost singing without saying any actual words and the sound of his voice starts to make more sense. She starts smiling in realisation, Alex brightens his smile in response as she starts singing (or trying) very low.  
‘And a wicked gale came howling up…’  
Alex takes over singing in full lungs ‘Through Sheffield city center, there was palm tree debri everywhere and a roman coliseum, is it awful when I talk about my… dreams.’  
He finishes there, satisfied with himself ‘It’s coming together don’t you think Miss?’  
Missy is looking at Alex in awe ‘You didn’t tell me you could sing!’  
‘Of course I can sing I’m the bloody frontman.’  
‘Frontman?’ she frowns in confusion.  
‘Yeah, of the band.’  
‘Oh?’ she has no words to responde, they’ve grown so close that she forgot how much she still doesn’t know about him.  
‘Uh- right sorry’ Alex seems a bit embarrassed ‘I’m not used to having to explain these stuff, usually everyone I meet already knows so…’  
Their eyes meet and seem like they’re both lost in words for a moment. Missy tries an awkward smile and shrugs.  
‘Well, I- I don’t know much about you. I just know what you tell me.’ She looks at him, her eyes begging for some clarity about Alex, she wants to know him, but she also doesn't want to invade him.  
‘Oh, I-’ he struggles with his words and Missy swears she saw his confidence leave his body ‘I’m gonna spice up my tea.’  
She likes spending time with him but she hates the middle term. She has always been honest and open and now feels like he knows so much about her but she’s still talking to a stranger. She tried to kindly make him open up to her and she failed miserably, now it’s time for her to be more direct.  
‘Alex.’  
‘I’ll get some for you don’t worry, luv’ not a good moment to call her love.  
‘Alex!’ her voice is raised, enough for Alex to turn to her. He observes her for a moment before he starts walking toward her, a bottle of something he’ll regret in his hand. He stops in front of her without looking away, his expression is serious and shows concern.  
‘What’s the matter?’  
She wasn’t expecting his full attention on her but she’s brave and let’s it out.  
‘I don’t know you! You don’t really talk about yourself… I tell you about my day and my work but when I ask about you, you don’t really tell me anything. You diverge. And I get that you like to keep it to yourself and I’m trying to understand it, I really am but I don’t want you to be a stranger to me. I can’t be there for you if you don’t confide in me and I can’t- I can’t trust you. Not completely, if you keep holding back and mistrusting me. Alex, you think I don’t notice that you keep testing me? Just now you were watching my reaction when you told me you’re the frontman of a band… That kind of trick…. It fucking hurts Alex.’ her mouth is dry and she could barely make it through the last words. Saying it outloud makes it even feel even more real. The cold distance that Alex puts between her stings, they’ve known each other for a while now and he can’t just show interest in her, give her hope of a connection and then stay put and emotionally closed. Her eyes are starting to bother her now, she looks to the floor to avoid Alex's gaze and tries her best to keep her tears from flooding her face.  
Alex pours some liquid from the bottle into his tea, stirs and takes a big gulp, he definitely regretted it from the ugly expression that took over his face. He sets it all aside and puts his hands on Missy’s shoulders.  
‘Look at me.’ She thinks she can keep it together so she obeys. ‘I’m not expecting you to understand but- I can’t just blindly trust anyone I met. My life is a bit too complicated for that… I made that mistake before, I’m not doing it again.’  
‘Why do you think like that?’  
‘Come on Missy! Even if you don’t know who I am it shouldn't be too hard to understand! I’m a famous musician in a band, most people surrounding me want something from me.’  
‘That doesn’t mean you can’t trust anyone-’  
‘That’s exactly what it means. I know that you don’t get it, but-  
‘I get it Alex.’ Alex looks at her with indignation.

‘You don’t!’ he screams at her face and Missy decides she has had enough. She grabs her stuff and heads to the door but stops midway. She takes something from her bag and firmly places it on the desk.  
‘I do.’ she shoots her angry look at Alex and leaves.  
__________________

Alex ends up drinking alone which is not so bad, he fairly enjoys it. He’s disappointed at himself for letting Missy crawl under his skin. What does she even know? The girl is so oblivious she could never understand the hardship Alex’s been through, she’s a fool if she thinks she can. He takes another sip to hide the pain from the past away, it’s working very well actually, or maybe is whatever she left in his desk that’s keeping him distracted. He refrained himself from looking but curiosity becomes a heavy load, it takes the best of him.  
He gets up and slowly goes to the desk to look at it. It’s a nice printed paper, he grabs it and realises it’s a ticket. It’s the ticket for Missy science gathering, what does this have to do with anything? He turns it around, it reads ‘Details available in the link below, use your unique code for exclusive information on the lecturers’ Hum, sure, why not?  
He grabs his laptop. There’s a lot of information about the event, the usual logistical stuff, pictures and information on previous editions, the venue of course, with details about the topics and the speakers… Is Missy here? He doesn’t have to look much, as soon as she clicks in the ‘Speakers’ her picture is there as one of the ‘main’ speakers. He’s usually not comfortable poking around or doing internet stalking, he always thinks how many people have done that to him, but this time he proceeds, afterall she kinda gave her permission right? Anyways her bio has a bunch of science stuff he doesn’t really understand, nothing about her personal life. She did travel a lot, she has worked in my different places that Alex never heard of. He scrolls further and there’s some metrics about her, number of papers published, number of conferences attended, etc. He can’t tell if it’s a lot or not, further down there’s a comment section, seems like quite a few people are excited for her talk…  
He keeps at it for a while, not really reaching any conclusion. He gives up on that, it’s not him. He’ll attend the thing anyways, he’s not leaving her hanging, that’s also not him.


End file.
